FORGIVENESS

forgive

In my last post I talked about marriage. One point I left out was about forgiveness. In marriage, friendships, family and other relationships we hurt each other. We don’t do it in malice. It just happens. An action taken or word spoken or even a look can harm someone you love.

You ask for forgiveness. The Bible tells us to always to forgive. Forgiving someone is harder than we think. It hurts when someone wrongs us, whether unintentionally or not. We can’t forget it. It is there in our hearts and minds forever. When a person first apologizes you instinctively accept it, tell them to forget it and “go on”. But we are human and we don’t often do that. It can take time. Emotions are involved and we all know you cannot just turn on and off your emotions. Let’s be real. It doesn’t happen. But we do forgive. We know what they did was not intentional and we know if we were in their position we would want to be forgiven. Actually we have probably already been in that position:) Our relationship may be a little torn for a while and trust may have to be rebuilt. The kicker is we both have to work to rebuild that bridge.

Now what if it were intentional? What if they don’t ask for forgiveness? That stinks because God asks us to forgive anyway. I can honestly say that I have been there done that and still find myself angry at the person sometimes.

When we have a hard time forgiving the hurt can turn into resentment. Resentment is highly unhealthy. It can eat you alive. You are not at peace or contented. It can turn to hate and lead to all kinds of problems. It hurts you and all of those around you. We have to learn to let go. There are many ways to do that and we have to find what works best for us.

Now, how do we forgive ourselves? When we have hurt someone directly or even indirectly we have to forgive ourselves if we expect to be forgiven. I am still having a hard time forgiving myself for the pain I caused so many at my last attempt. I have had to work hard almost everyday to build my families’ trust back and prove to them that I am not going anywhere intentionally. Our relationships have gotten stronger but it hasn’t been easy. My daughter Elizabeth still calls me about every 15 minutes if I am gone to run errands for over an hour. Guilt consumes me at times and I have to remember that I am still alive. I am here for a “do over”, if you will. Most days I am good now though. I had to first ask God to forgive me. The Bible tells us that if we ask He will. So if He can then can’t we forgive ourselves?

We must learn to let go of all hurts done to us and what we have done to others. We are human and we will make mistakes. That is a rough pill to swallow. But if we can be good to ourselves and give ourselves a break maybe the next time we mess up we will be a little better to handle it.

So, give yourself a hug, give your loved ones a hug, tell yourself and them you love them and have a blessed day.

‘Defined by our mental chillness’

This guy describes bipolar disorder very well. I have not seen Black Box and will not watch it now that I have read this.

What happens now?

This week’s essay is by Paolo Sambrano, a Bay Area writer and performer who created a one-man show about death and mental illness. “Despite the really dark material, it’s really upbeat,” he told the San Francisco Chronicle.

This essay, a riff on a new television show that turns personal, first aired on Slow News Day last week. Being so tied to current events, it jumped the queue ahead of a striking number of guest posts still waiting to be published. The risks of posting just once a week … As usual, we’re tweeting more news and stories daily at @AboutSuicide.

I only watched the pilot of ABC’s drama Black Box when forming my opinions below. But frankly, I’d rather be behind on “The Americans” than be caught up on “Black Box.”

The pilot to “Black Box” feels like if the producers of Spiderman 3 tried to adapt the…

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The Wicked Disease

Dep-AwarenessLast week was a hard one.  I wanted a brain transplant.  My depressed brain took over.  I didn’t want to see anyone, talk to anyone and I definitely didn’t want to share with you how I was feeling.  I was embarrassed.  Then I was mad at myself.  Here I am writing this blog trying to reduce the stigma of depression and I won’t even share it with you.

I tell myself that if I had written what was going through my head last week I would have scared you off.  But I promised you to share with you the bad and good times.  I broke that promise.

Last week my depressed brain told me I was a bad mother, wife, sibling, and friend.  Why would anyone want to hang out with me?  I say the stupidest things.  I am fat and lazy.  These thoughts paralyze me and cause me to hide out in my house.  I have a hard time completing the smallest tasks.  Chores get backed up.  I cry for no particular reason.  It is a vicious cycle.

But, you saw me smile and act like everything was great.  I had a medicine my doctor told me to take when I got like this.  I took it and the next morning I was bouncing off the walls as manic as I have ever been.  I was seeing my doctor that day anyway.  She gave me something else to take.  I took it that night and could barely function the next day I was so sleepy.  SOOOO frustrating.

This past weekend I was “forced” to hang out with my baseball friends due to a tournament.  It was the best thing that could happen to me.  It helped me to get out of my self in focus on others.  I have been stable ever since.

Depression is a wicked disease.  We are told all the time of the tools to help us get out of it.  But when the chemicals in our brain get so wacked out our depressed brain takes over and tells us all kinds of lies.  We can become immune to those activities which will help us.  But I did a little bit of something that would help and slowly I was able to think a little more rationally and crawl out of the dark abyss.