LOSS

Robin Williams

My nephew sketched this picture of Robin Williams yesterday and posted it on Facebook.  He really captured his eyes.  I feel for Robin’s family but I also feel for the 108 other families whose loved one killed themselves that day as well, and the next day and today.

As you watched Robin Williams perform, he was always on.  He was manic.  Now, imagine if he was that high, how low his lows were.  Look at his performances.  Go back and look at his eyes.  They tell the story of someone who hurts so deep inside.  I can only imagine how hard he had to battle.  Most people who are Bipolar whose highs and lows are so dramatic do not survive as long as he did.  Look at the statistics.  He was waging a huge battle within himself.  I have no doubt that he made several attempts at taking his life.  The suffering is immense.  I should know.

I hurt for him because I know how hard he suffered and how hard he battled everyday the demons that were waging war in his mind.  I know his loved ones wanted to take that pain away.  Medications only do so much.  I don’t know his story and whether he was ever on any medication but I bet he went off them often.  He would never have been able to be as creative as he was if he were on his meds.  That is a problem with Bipolar Disorder.  It effects so many creative people and the meds dampen that creativity and so they go off the meds because they get it back.  But the draw back is the lows and that is when the crises happen. 

If you have a loved one who battles this disorder you are in for a challenge.  Somedays it is like watching a train wreck. Your patience with them can last only so long.  I don’t have the answers and my poor husband doesn’t always.  But I know that he loves me and I love my children and that gets me through the bad days even if I just want to lay in bed.  Some days I have to do just.  I have to give myself a day of rest and trudge on through the lows the best I know how.

This is a sad post I know but it is a tragedy to lose a loved one this way.  Remember Robin and pray for all of those who are suffering today and everyday.  Pray for those 108 people who took their lives today and every day.

WORKMANSHIP

photo-5

“FOR WE ARE HIS WORKMANSHIP, CREATED IN CHRIST JESUS FOR GOOD WORKS, WHICH GOD PREPARED BEFOREHAND SO THAT WE WOULD WALK IN THEM.” EPHESIONS 2:10
“FOR BY GRACE YOU HAVE BEEN SAVED THROUGH FAITH; AND THAT NOT OF YOURSELVES, IT IS THE GIFT OF GOD; NOT AS A RESULT OF WORKS, SO THAT NO ONE MAY BOAST.” EPHESIONS 2:8-9

I separated these verses for a reason. It is the way God speaks to me in these verses that I separated them. When reading these verses this morning the Ephesions 2:10 spoke to me first. I started to just put that verse in here but I felt Ephesions 2:8-9 should be put in first so as to keep it in context.
“For we are His workmanship”…WOW. God put each of us on this earth for a reason. I have realized my place in His heart in the last year; at 47 years old. My uncle Watlo wrote me a letter when I was first hospitalized after a suicide attempt. He and I had a connection. He took his own life about a year after. Anyway, in his letter, he told me that I had a special place in this world and that I would touch many lives. That part always stuck in my head and I wondered when that would be as I wandered aimlessly through life. I knew I was a pretty good mom and wife. God didn’t grant me a great husband and four beautiful, smart, kind children for nothing:)

But I always knew there was something else. This was it. God granted me the workmanship of writing to share with you my story so I might help one person. Now, God says “so that no one may boast.”. I am not boasting. I am celebrating my workmanship God has granted me.

By God’s grace we have “been saved through faith;”. I love God’s grace. It is truly indeed God’s grace that strengthens my faith. I forget this when I get angry at God. Right now I am a little upset with The Big Man; then I read this passage this morning and was reminded about all that God has given me.

This passage reminds me of the people with whom I work at Alabama Outdoors as well. I was having a bad day on Saturday and they sensed that right off. My bearded friend whose faith is immeasurable prayed with me right then and there. We both had chills. My other friend gave me a huge hug sensing that I needed it. I am not a big hugger but it was what I needed at the moment. Sisters and Brothers in Christ are awesome. My work is a saving grace right now. I have tried working at other jobs but they tended to be office jobs and I never lasted very long. Here at AO I cannot wait to get to work and be surrounded by my friends in faith and work together as a team. We are a well oiled machine. The behind the scenes work we do is like Disney World where they hide the trashcans and have the underground tunnels so you never know how the park runs so smoothly. I am having a lot of back pain right now and I hurt a lot at work but I trudge through it because being there with people practicing their workmanship giving to them by God is inspiring and helps me to forget. Sidebar: I have my first pair of Chacos and my lower back has not hurt while standing for hours on end since I have been wearing them:)
Again I ramble but I had to share how these verses spoke to me. This may be one of the last posts I write for a while. I am having surgery on my hand for carpel tunnel and on my neck for a pinched nerve. Please pray that these surgeries are successful and my pain is eased.
Have a blessed week.