As I was driving around this morning for carpool, etc. it came to me that Spring and Easter are a time of renewal. That isn’t news. Our ministers preach about it often.
But to me, a Suicide Attempt Survivor, the rain today and the cold tomorrow represent a new chance to make things right in my life and with my family’s life. God has washed away the temptation to end my life so that I may not have to suffer anymore pain. He has frozen the impulse to make it go away quickly. I am now free to experience my children’s milestones and create new memories with them and my husband. That doesn’t mean I won’t battle depression at times. It just means that I will fight harder to quiet the little man so that I can live.
God planted me just the way I am so that I may bloom bright and share my beauty with others. There is a quiet beauty in those of us who battle depression. We see life in different colors than you “normal” people. Things can be brighter and we are on top of the world. We have a hard time expressing the thoughts and feelings whirling around our hearts and minds. Things can also get pitch black to where we freeze and block out the world and it takes all that we have to stand up on our own. But we do. We fight the blackness and show others our blooms. We share our special gifts with others. Sharing is good for us. It validates us. My children and my husband validate me as well. But everyone needs validation outside the home. We warriors must balance our lives. We can get stagnant and that is bad news for us.
For you warriors and all, take the next couple of days to let God wash away the funk of winter and freeze away the ugly thoughts. Bloom like the dogwoods and show others the beauty inside and out. God says your body is your temple. Take care of it. Be a healthier you this Spring. Resurrect yourself, bring that cool person you once knew out and show him/her off.
God wants us to live life to the fullest. He wants to experience the joys and heartaches of life. But He wants us to use Him to battle life and come out warriors who have won the war. Are you a warrior? Are you armed for battle?
The first jonquils came up which I planted last Fall. I made everybody get out and dig holes. Nobody was very happy. I planted a bunch but only a handful have come up yet. What do I know? This is a sign that Spring is around the corner. The weather is beautiful outside. I have my doors open while doing my housework I was supposed to do yesterday:) Our septic tank is on the brink so I have a backhoe singing in my back yard digging up a maze in the yard. What more could a girl ask for?
This reminds me of sitting on the back patio at my parents house with the flowers blooming around the Bird Sanctuary sign. This not your ordinary bird sanctuary at the Wilson household.
My dad was a pretty sickly guy growing up. He was premature to begin with. He had TB three times, a lobe of lung removed and still smoked camel non filters. Yes, he was a doctor. Surprised that he had Emphysema and COPD?
He stayed pretty healthy until the Winter of 1992. It was the weekend of the SEC Championship and it was at Legion Field. Mom had taken us girls to New York for a girls Christmas trip. We were at a bar watching the game. The yankees had it on because they were betting on it. They were amazed that 4 southern women could be so into football. They had never seen anything like it.
Meanwhile in Birmingham, the weather was wet and cold and my dad was at the game. He was hospitalized not long after that. Daddy gave us girls rollerblades for Christmas that year. One time when he was in the hospital, we decided to go blading around Southside and then go see him. I am going to back track right here so bear with me. My siblings and I have a nasty habit of shooting the bird at each other. I know it isn’t the prettiest thing but is just expresses so much in one little symbol. When my sisters were in the hospital room, one of us said something and then someone shot the bird. My father pipes in and says “Now, now, this is a bird sanctuary”. Thus the name has stuck. My mom bought my dad a garden sign with those words. When you are around the sign, you must refrain.
I hope you have similar stories with your family. They are to be cherished. Have a great Spring day.